Bu Hui Ai
by Mitsuki-iichan
Summary: His whole life he waited for her, yet she never noticed him... She didn't realize his love for her, she always looked at another. He was just a best friend.


A/N: woah! It's been years since I've written! Well anyway, pls read and review! Tell me what you think after reading!

Btw, the song I've put here is only a translation of a Chinese song.. It's the one that inspired me to write this, lolz…

Disclaimer: I do not own CCS, or the song that I've put. The title's Bu Hui Ai, a Chinese song owned by Fahrenheit…

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_January 17 2004_

Memories flashed by…

_Eriol watched as a child of about eight years old with auburn hair came bounding down the playground with a bigger boy at the back. The child went straight to the sandbox, the brother following at a distance. He couldn't distinguish at first, if he was a he or a she, for the child had short hair, but as he heard a squeal coming from that direction, he didn't hesitate in claiming that the child was a girl. He heard her enthusiastic voice, asking her brother to join her play in the sand. The black haired boy shook his head, he was only around the age of ten at that time, but he said that those games were only for kids, and that he preferred to just watch. Eriol having heard it from the benches, where he and his mother sat, got curious over the siblings. He quickly turned to his mother and asked permission to play. When he got her nod of approval, he ran to the two children._

_The brother was the one to notice him first getting nearer to their play area. Thinking he was one of the bullies, he stepped forward to shield his sister away from him._

"_Who are you? What are you doing here?" He demanded, arms crossed over his chest._

"_Ohayou gozaimasu. I just wanted to see what you're doing. It looks fun!" He smiled at him, and bent over a little on the side to peek at the girl. "Ohayou, what's your name?"_

_He waited for her. She was trying to fix a bundle of sand in front of her, it having a weird shape, Eriol didn't know what it was supposed to be then. It looked as if she had given up on fixing it before she raised her head to him._

_A smile and "Sakura Kinomoto" was her answer. "Anata wa?"_

"_Eriol Hiiragizawa desu… can I join you?" She nodded._

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That was the first time they met, one of his most treasured memories. Skimming through more of his memories, he recollected their first day in High School. This one much later than the first…

_The students' chatters were everywhere, some of them new to the school, the freshmen, and some already in their second and third years._

_Eriol was walking to the front doors of the school when he heard a shout for his name. He didn't need to turn around, he already knew who it was. Only one girl can have such a sweet voice._

_"Eriol-kun! Hey! Haven't you heard me calling!?" She turned around towards him once she overtook him, a pout on her face._

_"Ohayou Sakura-chan, what's gotten you so energetic this morning?" He said to her, still as calm as ever._

_"Etoo…" She looked at him awkwardly, "I just wanted to thank you Eriol-kun… For tutoring me, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have gotten to pass this school's entrance exam.." She bowed her head. For a while nothing was said, until she felt warm hands touching her shoulder. He pushed her back to an upright position._

_"It's alright Sakura-chan, you're my friend, of course I'll help you when you need it" _

_A grin lit up her face, reaching for his arm, she went to her tiptoes and kissed Eriol on the cheek. "Arigatou gozaimasu, Eriol-kun. You'll always be my best friend!"_

_'Hai, I'll be your perfect friend' he thought as they went to their first class…_

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He smiled bitterly at the memory, knowing how he'll regret that in the future…

_"Eri-kun! Eri-kun!" Sakura squealed out his name as she came running to the sitting Eriol. He was beneath a tree, reading a book before she came. Now that she was there, he knew he wouldn't be able to concentrate further, so he closed the book he was holding._

_She dropped to her knees and leaned in, obviously not wanting to wait any more to get her news out. "Li-kun, the one I've been talking to you about before, you still remember him, right?" She paused for a moment, waiting for an answer. She got a nod, and an awkward smile, telling her to go on. She clutched his hands in hers, "Eri-kun! He actually asked me out on a date! Can you believe it!?" She half shouted._

_Time froze for him as she uttered these words, the pain in his chest growing, though he didn't know why at that time. He wanted to shout, a hint of anger surging through him. Forgetting, for the first time, to again, be her perfect friend, like all of the other times he's been with her to help her out of her troubles.. But he felt Sakura's hand squeezing his, he remembered her excited voice as she came to him, so he fought for control, looking up to her, he did his best to work up a smile, a throaty laugh._

"_Good for you, Saku-chan.."_

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_I can only let this present rest quietly in my pocket,_

_while watching you happily chat with him_

_And smile at him from afar…_

It took him some time to realize what he really felt for his best friend. He did deny it at first, but it didn't take long to get his way out of that denial, especially when he always sees his best friend with her boyfriend. And when he did come to it, he promised himself to not take for granted any more of their times together, even if she was already another's.

"Eri-kun!!" He raised his head, breaking his train of thoughts. It was his best friend, waving at him from a distance- with her boyfriend. Rejection, you would have thought that seeing her with his steady boyfriend for almost a year now would make him used to feeling it. But every time he sees them together, his insides twist, he could never get over it. Which is why he always ask himself, why is he still with her? **Because I can never let her go, being friends with her is better than nothing…**

_But the word 'friendship' is not enough to describe how I feel  
My feeling twist and turn because of you_

She was coming to him at last, having been done saying goodbye to her boyfriend with a kiss. A smile was on her face, as always. She can bright things up without even trying. "Afternoon" He greeted. She sat beside him under the tree, one end of an earphone on her ear, the other end dangling to her shirt.

"Gomen, I was late again for out meeting." She looked up to him.

"Are you sure you're sorry for being late because of your boyfriend?" He couldn't help saying it out loud for her, he didn't want to admit it, but he was jealous, even if he had no right to be.

He smirked at the remark, while she quickly looked down, a worried look on her face. He sighed, he shouldn't have said that expecting her reaction. He just had to make her uncomfortable. He didn't want her to be awkward around him now, so he lied "That was a joke, Sakura"

"Oh, Gomen"

She was still looking down on the grass, not saying anything, her earphones blaring with the music. He decided to change the subject "What are you listening to now?" he asked.

She looked up immediately, grateful for the change of topic, "This? It's one of my favorite songs! It's really sweet" A smile was on her face again, and she leaned towards him. She got the dangling side of the earphones, "Here" She put it on his ear, and leaned back to the tree behind them.

_The headphones are gently cradling my ears,  
playing countless love songs,  
What was meant for us has never been romance…_

His attention got caught by the tune, listening to it for a few moments before he felt Sakura's head on his shoulder. "Just for a while" he heard Sakura whisper. He smiled, and closed his own eyes, laying his head on hers.

_You won't love, the love that I have for you, I understand,  
Your most beloved exists in that place,  
When will I too, exist?  
I won't love, because hurt is what you'll feel  
So I'd rather wait quietly…_

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_He was standing, in front of him was a wide window reaching the floor, and expanding to the opposite sides, like a wall. He could see airplanes landing, some ready to take off, and others were just still. People were all around him, most of them, walking fast with their luggage behind. There were screams and laughter all around him, some were even crying. _

_Slowly, he recognized the people close to him. One of them was a tall man, with black hair and eyes, talking with a silver haired guy that was around his age. It was Touya Kinomoto, Sakura's brother, and his friend Tsukishiro. He looked to his other side, two brown haired women, one with eyeglasses. It was Sakura's friends in high school. Before he could look a bit more, there were squeals, and some shouted out "Sakura!". He directed his gaze towards the gate, and sure enough, Sakura was coming out from it. She had grown, her hair was longer, she got taller, and she was more beautiful than ever._

"_Okerinasai Sakura!" Everyone shouted when she started walking towards them_

_At first she looked confused with all the people around to welcome her. She looked through every face she walked past._

"_Kaijuu! You missed me?" Touya bellowed from behind Eriol, and that was when her searching stopped. She stopped when she saw Eriol directly in front of her. She let go of her luggage and smiled to him, a blush quite visible on her cheeks. _

"_Don't mind your brother Sakura, so how was you flight?" Someone asked from beside her, but she didn't take notice of it. She walked forward to him, her eyes on him only. When she was close enough, she held up her hands, one on his shoulder, and the other on his cheek. She leaned towards him, "Tadaima" She whispered to him, her breath lingering on his cheek, before she kissed him on the lips…_

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_February 21 2004_

His world turned black, feeling the cold wind around him. It was still dark, he didn't know what time it was, but he was sure he had just slept for only an hour or two. He half opened his eyes and saw the ceiling of his room before he closed it again. His first thought was of Sakura. She had broken up with her boyfriend for about three days now. He was happy at first, knowing that he won't see them together again, but when he saw her condition in her home at her bed, with all the curtains drawn, his world came crashing down.

He tried his best to comfort her, to get her to get going again, but he was roughly pushed aside. It was as if a huge wall got planted between them, as if she just wanted to drown in her misery alone and he couldn't do anything to help her. He got torn, and went away for the day, thinking that she just needed some time. So here he was, waiting for her to turn to him… It looked like his whole life he just kept waiting and waiting. When will she ever look at him and realize that he really loves her, not just as a friend?

_All that's left is freezing air,  
accompanying me through the night,  
Loneliness, like a traffic jam  
makes it impossible to move._

And then his dream came crashing back, the airport, the welcoming party for her. Her going straight to him and…

_I turn over, and suddenly I'm awake at midnight,  
yet my lingering dream reminds me of your soft lips._

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_April 10, 2004_

They were walking down the lane, him and Sakura. It had been about two months since her break up, and she had somewhat recuperated, though now it seems that she's gone slow to trust people. The only people she trusts wholly now are her family, and Eriol. He was glad to see her fine again, and even though she's single again, he decided not to tell her his feelings yet. She just got out of her depression, and he was sure it wasn't the right time yet.

They stopped near the park. She walked over to the swings and sat. He stood next to her, getting a hold of the chains of her swing.

"This is where we first met, do you remember, Eri-kun?" She looked to the sandbox. He was sure he heard a sad note on her voice. He saw that she was fiddling with her hands on her lap, a nervous habit of hers.

"Yes" They were quiet for a moment, Eriol knowing that something was definitely wrong. He hesitated before asking, "What's your problem, Saku?"

She tensed up, "Eriol-kun, I don't know how to say this to you…"

"Go on, you can say anything to me" he urged, taking hold of her hand.

She stood up and faced him, her eyes were already teary "I'm sorry… I should just get this out.. Or else it wouldn't be fair to you" She took a deep breath "You see.. I-I'll be going out of the country, I'll study abroad… for a few years. My parents told me to take a break out of here…" Before she could even finish, she broke into sobs. "I promise to go back" She forced out, she squeezed his hand one more time before she took it away from his, and clutched her chest. She backed away from him, wiped her eyes, and looked up to him.

But seeing him with no reaction at all, with his face the same as ever made her want to run, and run she did, with no more coherent thoughts running through her mind, she ran away from the park, away from him. She didn't know why it was that painful.

He stood there stunned, what she just told him replaying over and over his mind. His heart burned, his head hurt. He didn't know what to do, what to think. He didn't think he could move on after this. His heart was broken into pieces. He was lost…

_The headphones are gently cradling my ears,  
playing countless love songs,  
What was meant for us has never been romance._

The last thing he saw of her before she went away was her back, running away from him.

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_August 12, 2004_

His fist was bloodied. He looked at the broken mirror in front of him that only a few minutes ago was still whole. He glared back at himself, his eyes were aflame. He couldn't take it much longer. It looked to him that he can crush anything, to see things get destroyed just like how his heart is crushing him.

He tried to forget about her but every time, he would fail. He would realize that his every single thought was filled of her. Every time, his conclusion was that he can't give up on her, she was too precious for him. He was going crazy.

Not a single day passed that he didn't think of her. He only survived through them because she promised him to come back. And he wanted to believe so much, he held it like a lifeline.

But now he was also at his limits. She'd been gone for so long now. He just wanted to go to her. He needed to see her. And then he summoned his staff, an irrational thought in his mind. He was going to see her. He was going to tell her everything.

She was never going to know his love for her until he said it to her directly. Maybe that was one of the reasons why he never got to the special place in her heart, he thought.

The wind was rushing up to him now, the circle of the sun was under him, glowing. He raised up his staff, but before he could strike, he remembered the day he waited for her from her date with her boyfriend. His mind went back to that peaceful moment. The two of them were under the tree, the earphones on their ears, and her head on his shoulder. He remembered the song, her favorite song, she told him.

_You wont love, the love that I have for you, I understand,  
Your most beloved exists in that place.  
When will I too, exist?_

He realized just how much like the guy he was. The wind was dying down around him. He lowered his staff, and summoned it back to its smaller form. He sang the last lines of the song quietly, calming himself down

"_I wont love, because hurt is what you'll feel  
So I'd rather wait quietly…"_

He would never want to hurt Sakura. So ignoring all of his pains, he'll do anything not to inflict one on her. He decided to wait, again, for her coming home.

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_February 02, 2005_

He was standing on a marbled floor, in front of him was a wide window reaching the floor, and expanding to the opposite sides, like a wall. The room he was in was all white.

He could hear airplanes' engines outside of the building. Inside, he could hear the clacking of heels, the strolls from luggage that were being pulled behind. He could hear the people around him talking excitedly, and then it suddenly stopped… Squeals came out from girls, an excited shout from others.

A far off voice called. "Sakura!"

Then everyone around him shouted. "Okaerinasai Sakura!"

Then just beside him, a deep voice. "Kaijuu! You missed me?".

He could hear the rolling of the wheels of a luggage coming nearer to him.

Then a comment, someone else asked, "Don't mind your brother Sakura, so how was you flight?"

The rolling stopped, it was close from him.

And finally, A whisper on his cheek, "Tadaima"…

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A/N: How was it?? It's my first ExS fic! Lolz, I've always loved the pair ExS…


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